Wednesday, 15 May 2013

If I Ran Television (1)

The Apprentice: series nine, programme one. 

A cold morning, Tilbury docks. Ten idiots are divided into two equal teams. Each team stands in front of a large shipping container. 

Lord Sugar strides towards them. 

"Your first task", he barks, "is inside these." 

The doors of the containers open. The contestants, eager to impress Lord Sugar, fight to get inside. Just as they realise the containers are empty, the doors swing closed, trapping them. 

A crane picks up each of the containers. The camera pulls back as the containers are swung out over the river, then dropped into the waters below. 

Lord Sugar looks into the camera. 

"They're all fired", he says. "Now here's some cartoons."

He walks away, brushing dirt from his hands. 

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