We Have No Problem

 So anyway, Whitney Houston died.

Whereas any man’s death diminishes me, is anybody really surprised? There hadn’t been a good news story about her since she married the wife-beater, and in the last fifteen years or so, which she’d obviously spent on the sauce or on the powder, the most memorable thing about her was that rumour about Bobby Brown having to manually excavate compacted faeces from her bowel.

It’s a shame, because at her height she was inarguably beautiful and in possession of a stunning voice. And it’s a shame because her stunning voice was wasted, not only on manufactured pop music – she would have been astonishing on an unadorned gospel album, say, and if you don’t believe me Google ‘Whitney Houston Isolated Vocal’ – but also on the ridiculous melismae, the inability to actually sing a note without running up and down the scale and stretching it out way beyond its artistic boundary, that afflicted her as badly as it does Mariah Carey (somebody else with the potential to be an astonishing singer if only she’d just, y’know, sing).

Still, look on the bright side. Houston’s biggest hit was “I Will Always Love You”, which was written by Dolly Parton, who recorded the original, simple, delicate and heartfelt version, and who will doubtless soon be in line for a nice little windfall in royalties.

And, keeping it closer to home, that song was on the soundtrack to the film ‘The Bodyguard’, which will no doubt sell  by the boatload in the next couple of months. Also on that soundtrack: a version by Curtis Stigers of ‘What’s So Funny ‘Bout Peace, Love And Understanding?’, written by England’s Glory, Nick Lowe. Nick says that when the film was first released and the soundtrack started selling in giant heaps, somebody reversed a truckful of cash up to his house and told him there’d be another one tomorrow, and that’s what let him record the kind of albums he does, albums like ‘The Convincer’ and 'At My Age’ and ‘The Old Magic’, albums full of intimate, personal songs about ageing and failure and proper long-lasting love, songs full of genuine emotion in a world of Ndubz and Jedward.

There should be another truckload backing up to Nick’s house soon.

Cheers, Whitney.