I would've said 'Xero', myself

Owing to some form of viral bastard kicking at the inside of my head and raking its fingernails down the internal surfaces of my eyes, I’ve spent most of today sleeping and/or sweating. Normal service will be resumed. Meanwhile…

On Sunday I was, as I sometimes am, being of assistance to my good friend Gary O (nephew of Harry O and great-grandson of O, whose Story was so entertaining) at the London Comic Mart. Wasn’t a very good one, it was at the wrong point during the month; one of the Sundays where T (Time elapsed between paydays) > M (Disposable income allowed between paydays) and where W (clemency of local meteorological conditions) < N (Desire to get up, go out, and spend money on old comics).

During a lull, a customer and myself were discussing this and that; the need for slabbing, that recent sale of Amazing Fantasy #15, whether Spurs would beat Real Madrid in the next round of the Champions League. General Bloke Stuff.

Then an excitable youth, there with his dad, asked the most important question of the day, possibly of the year. Which Superhero Would You Want To Be? Most of the admittedly small sample group of respondents answered 'Superman’, because he can do everything. Large response for Batman, with the usual ‘Superman can do everything but Batman does one thing really really well, better than Supes even. Plus he can do martial arts and he’s got like so much money.'

Best response: from a big fella with two full-sleeve tattoos (and very likely more besides; the sleeves were only the visible tats, the tip of the Ink Iceberg). Everybody in the comics is a wuss, he reasons, beside Darkseid. Darkseid, despot of Apokalips. Darkseid, granite-faced conqueror of all he sees. Darkseid, who wears that funny little skirt thing and nobody dares take the piss because he’d Omega Beam their ass right there on the spot.

Care to elucidate, chap? Tell us why old Stoneface is greater than anyone else? Why Darkseid, fella? His reply: Because Darkseid Is. The great propaganda poster slogan that really should replace Keep Calm And Carry On on the country’s tea-towels is also the only justification needed – if justification be needed at all – for The Great One’s supremacy.

Darkseid Is.

And the first person to append ‘A Big Gayer’ to that gets eternity in Armagetto.